159 months

by 201monthsblog


No, I didn’t die. Or maybe a part of me did.

It’s been an amazing three years. I haven’t even looked at this blog since writing the last post. But I just read it now and it bears some comment, because the weed and the alcohol are significant parts of my story.

But first—I was about to start a new blog. It was going to be called “Going within”. It was going to describe what happens when you commit to the spiritual path. The other title for the new blog I considered was “The journey of 1,000 miles”. Because it is the same journey.

Now I’ve read the previous post here, I will just carry on where I left off. With a couple of changes. One of which is that this blog will no longer be restricted to monthly updates. As already stated, time has no relevance.

It is always Now.

Going within

I first came across the idea of “going within” in one of the Conversations with God books. (Oops—I should have issued a trigger warning for people who don’t like the word “God”. It’s a word we’ll come back to. I didn’t like it, a few decades ago, and usually use synonyms. But it has still its uses.) In Book 3, God says, “If you do not go within, you go without.” A sentence that goes straight to the heart of the matter, in the same way as Eckhart Tolle’s “Don’t believe everything you think”.

This go-within-or-go-without idea has revisited me countless times in the 20-something years since I first read it. I know it is true. I have avoided it, distracted myself, lightly dabbled in it… but I sense that there is an urgency to the exercise now. The world as we have known appears to be dissolving before our eyes; a great reason is the lack of clarity and confusion we have internally. Each of us is connected to the whole just as atoms within our bodies are connected to those bodies. We know this from the testimony of people who have died and returned to tell the tale. (If you are as fascinated by that subject as I am, you will love this YouTube channel from Anthony Chene. I binge-watched them all last year.)

The question came to me recently, “What does it mean to go within?”. I’ve looked for an answer and found none. So that is the riddle this blog will now attempt to solve.

I am starting from the Socratic position of, “I don’t know.”

A good word

Knowing is a word we will return to. I think it is Highly Significant. It even provided an answer to a question that was on my mind last time I wrote here, three years and one day ago. That question was: “Where do thoughts come from?” It’s a question I looked at many times, and asked other people about—including a famous philosopher. The best answer, which I heard recently on a video by Rupert Spira was: Thoughts come from knowing.

This might not make much sense to you, and that’s OK. We all have our own history with language and the same word has different meanings to each of us. Here, I am using knowing as a synonym for awareness, which is a synonym for consciousness, and for love, and for (trigger word again) God.

Again, we’ll come back.

Why am I going within out loud?

Because it’s time. Because it’s what I’m telling other people to do—specifically, that if they don’t have a meditation practice in place, they should start one. We are all going to need it. We are facing climate breakdown, social upheaval, political and economic crises and more. We will be well served to have a profound level of peace within ourselves to which we can connect whenever we need to.

I’ll explain a bit about what I’ve been doing over the last few years, which have prepared me to start the journey within, in future posts.

Which brings me back to my opening remark about weed and alcohol.

Alcohol and weed

I really seriously explored these two subjects, over a period of about 30 years. I developed the ability to drink what non-drinkers would say is a lot of alcohol and smoke what non-smokers would say is a lot of weed.

Alcohol was the first one I dropped completely. Much to my surprise and relief.

The alcohol habit was broken by a dry January in 2016. I felt so good not drinking that I continued being dry until well into February. I then drank sparingly. In early summer of 2017, after the end of a spectacular love affair, I drank every day for a couple of weeks until I suspected it the booze that was causing my feelings of depression. So I stopped. At the end of that summer, a friend bought me a beer in a bar, which I drank out of politeness, and I haven’t had a drink of alcohol since. It feels amazing and easy, and I will share how to stop drinking at some point, for anyone who is worried they will never stop.

Weed stayed with me a little longer.

Last year, I stopped for five months—which felt great—and then someone gave me some, so I went back to smoking every day. Regular bronchial infections requiring antibiotics finally convinced me to leave this habit behind, and I have been weed-free since January 1st of this year.

In both cases, what helped me was that the drugs stopped affecting me. I had become more aligned with the part of consciousness that is not affected by intoxicants. And when you can no longer be intoxicated, there’s very little point in ingesting substances you know to be damaging, in order to change the way you “think”. Besides, after 30-ish years of exploration, I had nothing left to learn. (Apart from how to break longstanding habits.)

The point made in my previous post is a valid one. Despite the claims of many weed smokers, my experience is that it puts a barrier between me and where I am drawn to go.

That is where I am going to go now.

The journey within

I will be making some videos to accompany this voyage, which will be posted on this new YouTube channel. I have already put some videos up for anyone who wants to calm down (see below). Other videos will include my voice but not my face. My original plan was to keep this blog sexless, nationless, ageless, as we all are behind our egos. You will soon discover that I am male and a native English speaker.

These are only biographical details.

I am, like you, awareness currently expressed in human form, already embarked a journey to discover what that means. I hope my future posts will give you the confidence to explore your own withinity—all I know for sure is that it will be a wonderful, wonder-filled experience. Apparently, the more of us who do it, the more rapidly we can change the world for the very much better. What better excuse do we need than that?

With love.

Here’s a video of the field next to where I live, shot last week, with insect noise recorded at the same time. It is a beautiful world. Enjoy.