195 months

by 201monthsblog

A month of two halves

When you’ve discovered the Now – that we are, at heart, timeless and formless, like some have suspected all along – a time-based blog like this ceases to have real meaning.

But I’m carrying on, because the original idea was a good one.

For most of last month, I was happily practising living in the present – or trying to; watching Tolle videos in the evenings; and reading his book whenever the moment presented itself. One day, I was doing some work and a problem happened that I needed help with. Instead of being frustrated or scared (it was that kind of problem), I made a phone call, then a house visit to some people I haven’t seen for months – a bonus for everyone (I hope). When you live like this – fully accepting every moment – life is great.

Then, a little over a week ago, I got hold of some weed. Or maybe, some weed got hold of me. I’ve been stoned every day since. Not starting in the morning – I’ve never been one for that – but happily smoking from mid afternoon on. A few days ago, I even drank some wine – although, with my history, I was pretty worried before having any of that. I’m not judging myself. I’m just saying that’s what happened.

What I’ve noticed is that the weed almost completely removes my desire to practise being in the present. Now that it’s gone up in smoke, a part of my mind wants more. Wants to make it a priority to get more weed and carry on smoking. This mental insistence will only last a few days; but it is annoying. I suspect it’ll be with me for life – along with the desire to get drunk occasionally. I don’t need to carry this baggage with me. Maybe I’ll try putting it down.

It’s true that I am happier when I am clean, sober, and staying with the present.

The good thing about the present is that it’s always just there. The only thing that stops me getting to it is my mind.