197 months

by 201monthsblog

A sick month

For the last few weeks I have been ill.

It started with a sore throat, after which a massive cold sore arrived on my lip. The sore throat then turned into a serious cold that was eventually accompanied by gastro enteritis, after which I spent a couple of days in bed. It’s very unusual for me to be ill, and I wonder if this run of disease has anything to do with the energy I was releasing through yoga and meditation. To be on the safe side, I stopped the yoga and meditation temporarily.

The Yogananda book I mentioned here made quite an impression on me. The events described are so big, and the implications so enormous that they will take a while to absorb. Here’s a for example: Having finished the book and learnt what Hindu gurus routinely get up to, it is entirely possible that the events described in the Christian New Testament – and even some of the more outlandish stories in the Old Testament – are completely true.

It doesn’t matter – to you or me – if you believe me. I’m not a Christian and have no interest in persuading you one way or the other – I’m just allowing the possibility that it’s true in light of new (reported) evidence.

Some background at this point

I dabbled with Christianity when I was a teenager but walked away from it because of sex. My logic went like this: The Church told me sex was a sin, but I loved making love to the person I was with. It seemed very hypocritical to ask forgiveness for something I knew I was going to do again as soon as possible. And if Jesus died for my sins – and I was supposed to love Jesus more than anything – shouldn’t I stop being a Christian, to lessen the burden of those sins on Him?

This was the logic of a 240-month-old having discovered sex for the first time.

Back to the present day

I’m not going to start going to Church again – the problems of that institution are legion. But I can revisit my idea of who Jesus Christ is and why He showed up on this planet to preach the timeless – and mostly ignored – message of Love. To allow the possibility that the stories are true is a seismic change in my thinking. There is no sense in trying to explain it here – to you it may seem delusional – suffice to say spiritual thoughts are still uppermost in my mind.

Unfortunately, the sex issue hasn’t gone away.

The reading and listening I’ve been doing says that sex, drugs and alcohol are all on the Do Not Do list. Apparently, reconnecting with the source of all things (creator, God or whatever you want to call Her) requires almost constant attention. And this attention is distracted by things the body loves to do. (I haven’t had sex for ages – well over a year – but I do remember enjoying it and don’t think I have finished with that pleasure yet.)

This isn’t something I’m going to try and wrap up today, but will return to in future months…

In other news

I wrote my first song for about 324 months. Only the lyrics, but even doing that was a surprise. It might even be pretty good.

I discovered I have serious vertigo. I was asked to help out on the roof of an old farmhouse. When I got up there, I found I was incapable of moving around like everyone else. I crawled around, petrified. My body about an inch from the battens. Climbing onto the ladder to get down took an age and my relief at being back on terra firma was absolute.

This surprising fear has made me realise that I am a fearful person in many respects. I’m going to spend some time looking at that. Hoping that, by confronting them, my fears will go away.